RA.ONE - Randomly Adulterated

I have never written a movie review, but then as it is said, “when things go out hand, angels descend to protect mankind”. So here I’m ready to defend mankind from G.ONE. Why G.ONE & not RA.ONE? Well simply because the latter seems to be a more likeable character. While both robotic and non-robotic Shahrukh seemed the same matching each other in idiocy, other than his awkward looking wig of course, RA.ONE seemed the potent character out of videogames with his mechanical approach, straight talk and crafted physique. So, let’s delve a bit deeper into the RA.ONE mystery.

The movie begins with a long haired Shahrukh fighting the sisters of Bruce Lee named Iski Lee, Uski Lee & Sabki Lee in one of the most boring battles ever to protect Desi Girl (yes you guessed it right, Priyanka Chopra), courtesy a dream of his son who hates his fathers cowardly idiotic ways. Then begins a tirade of stupid scenes, where Shahrukh tries his best to emulate Jacques Clouseau of Pink Pather fame. But then he forgets that Pink Panther was a comedy, and this was supposed to be a sci-fi. What we end up seeing is a top programmer of one of the world’s best gaming company with actions matching a nerdy 5 year old. His wife still hooked to Golmal-3 avatar, is hell bent on learning Hindi belt gaalis. And poor son obviously is irritated and ashamed by his parent’s insane act!!!

The movie builds up, with Shahrukh creating a game for his son with the most potent villain, Random Access Version 1 (RA.ONE) & the good one (G.ONE aka Jeevan). The rules of the games are set, but RA.ONE moves out of the virtual world to real world to fight Shahrukh’s son who defeated him in the game. In all this skirmish, the real Shahrukh dies and comes alive our real hero G.ONE. A good plot unfolds and good visual effects are incorporated too. Even though some scenes make you remember Aliens & Transformer series, but then RA.ONE keeps you interested.

But things go really wrong when the plot returns to India. The robot G.ONE, is just as idiotic & goofy as its maker. The robot has got a personal folder of its maker, which makes it wear lungi, dance Chammak Challo, belt out the right shayaris in just the right timing, make promises and do anything else that Rajnikant left unfinished in “Robot”. At the night however, it hangs itself to the antenna of the roof of Kareena’s house in Batman style searching for RA.ONE. Worth mentioning here is Kareena Kapoor, who looked great to keep the viewers entertained while G.ONE was self destructing itself in its videogame avatar.

RA.ONE hunted down G.ONE to Chennai (the airport was the clue), but in the very next scene G.ONE was in Mumbai trains to protect Kareena while RA.ONE drove Shahrukh’s kid from Chennai to Mumbai expo!!! Suddenly G.ONE became serious. Kareena was saved and so was Mumbai from further mayhem. G.ONE transported himself through open electrical wires to reach RA.ONE which was strange considering all this while he seemed somewhat with limited abilities and kept jumping buildings. RA.ONE meanwhile kept on changing looks, however Rampal really attracted him a lot as he went back to Rampal style inspite of becoming Kareena in between. The final fight could have been better choreographed, almost a “Tekken” copy & G.ONE defeats RA.ONE (with 0.01% chances) and Shahrukh’s prophecy of good over evil survives. G.ONE goes back with RA.ONE to their virtual world to return again (possibly for part-II).

The story has nothing new in its kitty and the climax unfolds in the first 20 mins itself. All the actors were shadowed to make Shahrukh seem goofier and worth mentioning is Dilip Tahil who made a special effort for that. The music though was peppy and background score for G.ONE was good too.

As far as watching the movie is concerned, its good in bits and pieces and worth a watch. Hope part-II will have more of RA.ONE and less of the nerdy G.ONE.

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Bengali Fish Curry

In the global jungle of civilization hiding a Bengali is a toughest job to do. Whether it is for his fish tainted hands or his fetish for “Ananda Bazaar Patrika”, a Bengali always stands out amongst the crowd. Loving or hating a Bengali is your personal choice, but ignoring one is at your own risk. He is indomitable, a pocket dynamo ready to burst if wrongly held. He can fight for a 50 paisa for 50 minutes and still turn out victorious. Ki Dada thik bolchi to?

Every Bengali can be divided into two subgroups, “Dada” & “Didi”, no matter in which age group they belong. Maybe it’s because a Bengali never turns old enough to be an uncle or aunty. However I’m often surprised why Bipasha Basu was never included in the “Didi” category! Bengali men are always “Bhadraloks” in their pristine white dhoti, not withstanding their antagonistic behaviour in local trains and buses. They are also all about panache. Everything right from their oil dripping side parted hairstyle, to their neatly trimmed moustache, their “Punjabis” (though I never realised why they are called so) & multi coloured lungis, none can beat them in their unique style statement. They may be short in size but not short with their voice. You can beat a Bengali to pulp, but even God doesn’t dare to quarrel with a Bengali. They are also one of the most intelligent species to ever walk the Earth. It is said, “When ten foxes die, a Bengali is born”, and it makes me wonder about the reproductive capacity of the foxes!

Poschim Bongo is a proud “nation”. (& now we need Columbus to discover a Purbo Bongo) Infact it is the only one with a motto, “Cholbey Naa”! Maybe that is why “Amra laal Bhalobasi”.  When the world is moving at a frantic pace, we love to cling to our past, “eating” the cheapest whisky available (as we hate to drink, Amra khali khete bhalobashi), expecting someone else to turn back the time for us. We are more than “roshogollas”, “sondesh” & unfortunately “highly inflammable churon” of “3 Idots” fame. We idolise Saurav Ganguly, because we never had anyone competing against him and expect him to play till a walking stick replaces his bat (& God, he never disappoints). If the world has Man U & Arsenal, we have Mohun Bagan & East Bengal. We love our jokes but alas the lesser mortals were never able to pierce through the humour (as they often turn out in Bengali). We never had an identity crisis, just like all “Southies & Northies” seem like Siamese twins. Our impeccable Engrazi & flawless Hindi make us stand out among the rest. “Hum thik bolta hai na?”

Dhur! Bohut hoye geche.......if you have Rajnikant, we also have Mithun......and the discussion ends there.

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