The Lost Song

There are times in your life when someone enters it and changes it forever. You don't know whether its for good or bad, whether its right or wrong.....you simply don't care. And yet boundaries exist, lines are drawn and limitations are marked. This poem is an ode to those emotions which have no name and yet they exist and live with you, probably forever.This is a story of a confused boy and a lovestruck girl, their friendship, their emotions which they could never understand, their expressions of their own feelings and the guilt attached with it, their understanding of the limitations of life and their own journey of it.
I request you the read the poem and feel it for your stories too may be a part of it. Each para of the poem will bring you the feelings of the boy and the girl one after another (the feelings of the girl are in italics for clarity), the way they felt it in their lives, till the last stanza where they speak together, probably for good. Friends, these words are special to me and I hope they can mean the same to you.

THE LOST SONG

- SAPTADEEP BASU (2012)

A friend was she till I last knew her,

Little bit of her caught in herself, a little left to fly;

A subdued smile like the silent waves, and that kohl dipped eyes that look deep inside,

That’s all my tired mind could recollect when she crosses my mind.

***

A friend was he till I last knew him,

Sometimes more than it, sometimes pretty less;

Arrogant, stupid, loveable and everything was he that I can call him,

Yes, he was a stranger and yet he was mine.

***

I never knew what feelings were; probably I never cared much,

I didn’t knew she existed; for I had a different world,

Years rolled by like the sands of time, and memories washed away;

The picture of hers and that subtle smile.

***

My life took its tentative steps with him far behind,

He lived in a small corner of me where he was too difficult to find,

I walked my life with a partner in hand,

For he could have been the man of my dreams, never the one to share my life.

***

I was a calm sea till I met a storm,

She crossed my solitary life giving the lyrics to my song,

We talked, we laughed, and we remembered the old days we left behind,

And I probably wished if things were different, and then just let it go with a disguised smile.

***

I don’t know why the roads of my life led me back to him,

Was he my destination or just the desire that would remain deep within?

I was happy within the four walls of my small world till he set me free,

The bird with the clipped wings once again wished to flutter with the wind.

***

The longing in her voice made me a restless soul,

Caught is a web of love and friendship, I didn’t know where I had to go,

Was it love or just a wild gush of wind that had brought us closer today?

Till it decides to stop and blow in a different direction, where we would be friends no more.

***

I don’t know why I let my feelings flow after living the secret for the years forgone,

Was it right or was it wrong or did the question never mattered at all?

He had his love and so did I, and yet those unknown feelings crashed at my door,

Are we friends, may be more than it or just nothing at all?

***

I don’t know if I fell for her; I don’t understand love anymore,

I don’t know why it hurts when she cries; I can’t even read the emotions I have hidden deep inside,

Sometimes I think about the world and it seems so wrong and sometimes about us when it’s all right,

I knew I was running away from something, and yet I didn’t want to stop and decide.

***

I don’t know whom I had hurt more, and I don’t know whom I have cheated,

Was it my reality or my dreams or was it just me all the way,

I sobbed, I cried and I devoured my happiness in the fight,

But neither my reality took me in his arms, and nor my dreams was there within my sight.

***

One fine day we decided not to talk anymore,

Some feelings have no names, and we probably realised they are not worth dying for,

A friend was her till I last knew her, will be the name of the song;

A friend was him till I last knew him, will be the end of the song.

 ************************

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My Few Words

There are times I wished I had said you all. And yet the time never came my way. I don't know why I stopped and I would never knew what you felt.
This poem is about those few words that often are held back for the "moment" and then it never comes our way. I never realised why I always stood like a silent stranger when you were always so close to my heart. Why I never allowed those words to slip through.
Yes, even with a bagfull of words, the pied piper has faltered to express what he felt for you.

My Few Words

                                                                      -Saptadeep Basu (2012)

A few words left unspoken yesterday,

A few words kept hidden from today,

A few promises that were broken to keep others alive,

And a few spare feelings, that were left buried deep inside.

The seconds ticked by in a gruesome pace,

Caught in a web of “could have been” moments;

Sometimes I whispered them; sometimes I had chosen to shout;

But my feelings had always been spoken to myself.

Couldn’t tell you how beautiful you looked with your dimpled smile,

Couldn’t hum the song that I had written for those mesmerising eyes,

Couldn’t give you the letters, I had dumped below my lonely bed,

Where often I had expressed; and which only I had read.  

 I never cared for the flowers to bloom,

Never dreamt for the rainbow to peep through my door,

I had never wished for the violins to play for us,

All I waited for was a perfect start.

Today as you walk away with your steady steps,

Tramping those silly feelings that you never knew existed,

I wish I could stop you and pour out my heart,

And not fade away unnoticed, as my life slowly departs.

Few words will yet be left unspoken today,

Some promises buried with my soul,

Few spare feelings with no wings to fly,

And tell you all I had always wished for.

**********************************

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lonely yet again

well it was quite a break from life.......from words...............from me...........but den hw far can d loner stay away from his loneliness......so here i'm back writing to myself yet again.......
Wen lyf turns old, tomorrow seems yesterday & u search ur past for a moment to bring a smile in ur face......yes my friend u are lonely........a thirst that my last two vodka shots can't quench........d tears dry up with the smoke of my half lit cigarette....my vision gets fuzzy.......n yet I scribble down my scrambled thoughts just to c if it really makes some sense. Money, Love , friendship, fame......I had got dem all n I hv lost them all & with 25 years of my lyf washed away lyk d sand dunes in a beach well I donno what I really want out o this dingy lyf......n yet again d line goes..."I'M CONFUSED". But this isn't d place where the ME vents out his drunken frustation.....this is d place where d pied piper sings.....so I leave ME with him to c what he has for me tonyt....

"UNFOLDING PAGES OF MY LIFE"

- SAPTADEEP BASU (2002)

SITTING BESIDE THE WINDOW PANE,

AS I SAW THE RAIN FALL AGAIN;

MADE ME REMEMBER SOMETHING,

THAT IN MY MIND IS STILL LINGERING.

THOSE DAYS OF MY CHILDHOOD,

WHEN I USED TO HAVE MILK AS MY FOOD;

ENJOYING MYSELF AS I WISHED,

WITH NO SERIOUS THOUGHTS TO TROUBLE ME.

THEN CAME MY YOUTH,

WITH COLOURS AS BEAUTIFUL AS TUNES FROM A FLUTE;

JUST LIKE THE SPRING OF ONES LIFE,

IT SHOWED ME WHAT LIBERTY IS LIKE.

BUT SOON MY DREAMS WERE SHATTERED WITH THE GLIMPSE OF REALITY,

WHERE MONEY COUNTS MORE THAN MAN'S HONESTY;

AND I TOO LOST MYSELF IN THIS RUN FOR MONEY,

BUT GOT UNHAPPY EVEN WITH THIS HONEY.

YEARS ROLLED BY,

AND SO ROLLED BY MY VICES & CRIMES;

AND WHEN I LOOKED BACK,

THERE WAS NO WAY TO RETREAT.

I WAS JUST LIKE A VICTORIOUS SOLDIER IN A BATTLEFIELD,

WHO WON EVERYTHING YET LOST SOMETHING;

THAT WERE HIS DREAMS & ASPIRATIONS,

WHICH HE KILLED IN THE BRUTAL FIRING OF HIS GUN.

SUDDENLY THE RAIN STOPPED,

AND SO STOPPED MY DREAM;

LEAVING THE LAST PAGES OF MY LIFE BLANK,

FOR GOD TO WRITE THE FINAL THING.

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